In between is a scary place. In between is where a lot of "faith" muscles are built up and you do a lot of praying and scripture reading and seeking God and his direction. You know there is a balance between faith and foolishness and you hope with all your might you are striking that balance.
Because of the emotional tightrope you are on in such times, the things people say to you have a very powerful effect. I felt the strong effect of some words recently. A well intentioned person made a comment to me that sent me into a real tailspin. On the surface it was simply good advice and a prudent warning but behind it I could hear a skeptical mockery that said, "You are in La La land."
The comment pretty much finished off my day. I found myself fighting doubt, discouragement and overwhelming inadequacy. I know that when God speaks either through another person or directly, you always feel better-more encouraged-more hopeful. So this was certainly not a message from my Heavenly Father. The next morning in my prayer time as I was discussing this with the Lord a name popped into my head: Sanballat.
Sanballat is an evil character from the book of Nehemiah in the Old Testament. This book tells the story of the rebuilding of the walls around Jerusalem after the children of Israel returned from 70 years captivity in Babylon. Nehemiah is a cupbearer to the king of Babylon, Artaxerxes, and has a great burden from God to be the master contractor on this project. He gets permission from the king, returns to Jerusalem and begins to rebuild the walls. Now that I think of it, I guess you could you could kind of see Nehemiah as being at an "in between" place too. As the project gets underway, Sanballat comes on the scene.
Sanballat hates the Jews and the work they doing for God's purposes. He starts by speaking words of discouragement, ridiculing and mocking the work and the workers, hoping to derail the building of the walls in any way possible. Then for good measure, he hatches a plot to disrupt the work and cause a great disturbance in the city. Sanballat is a type (or modal) of Satan and his desire to discourage and destroy us. He never has a good purpose in mind as he methodically conspires against us.
Nehemiah was a lot smarter than me the day I heard the word of discouragement. The schemes of Sanballat and his cronies never got off the ground. In a way, Nehemiah pretended like he never heard them. His response was, "But we prayed to our God, and because of them we set up a guard against them day and night." (Nehemiah 4:9) The discouragement didn't have any affect and when Sanballat saw the extensive defenses that the Jews set up they never made good on the attack they had planned. There was really no opening available to the enemy.
That is how it needs to be with us. Right up front we need to be careful which voices we listen to. We need to recognize the voice of doubt and discouragement as being from our enemy Satan-not our friend God. As I recognized this for myself by reading the story of Nehemiah, a great weight lifted from me. Next we need to pray; just drop the whole issue in God's lap and expect his voice, his encouragement, his direction, his help. And finally, set a guard over our heart day and night. Filter all incoming events and words against God's Word, the Bible.
I had a final observation for myself with this incident that I will pass on to you. Along with being careful what I "hear" from others, I need to be very careful what I "speak" to others. I don't want to inadvertently be a Sanballat in someone else's life. It is true what the Bible says about the tongue: "Death and life are in the power of the tongue." (Proverbs 18:21) I want my tongue committed to giving life to other people. What if, like me, they are at an "in between" place? Believe me, until next year when they are looking back, they need every positive word they can get.